Time heals...I hope

 I always imagined the day something major happens to me, like a major illness or an injury. 32 years of my life nothing happened and boom! just a split second of ankle twist and now I'm on bed rest nursing an ankle fracture. 1 second is taking at least a month away from me and now I'm asking myself just why would I manifest this for myself??! It's painful, past one week felt like a lifetime and I still have some time to go before I can go back on my feet. And all this because I didn't sit at home one night and missteped while walking off a footpath. What a shame.

This blog has no larger picture reason, this is just me venting because I'm already so tired being in bed all day. Immobile. Helpless. Soon to be on crutches to be able to move without help. Doctors so easily say that it'll take 4-6weeks to heal but nobody wants to consider how that time will be spent? Have to pause my life literally for the ankle to bear some weight. Science needs to be more advanced, this is bullshit.

Now while I wait for things to go back to normal I have been trying my best to not fall into the abyss of overthinking. I'm trying to be patient, live one day at a time and tell myself that time will heal everything and this too shall pass. I want to be out meeting friends, sharing a drink with them and having a good time. I feel like something is stuck and I'm pushing against the current. I know if I stop counting time it'll go faster but only if it was that easy. 

I'll try keeping myself busy with books and movies, practice walking on crutches so I can step out for sometime for some fresh air and BELIEVE in the deepest parts of me that I'm healing and I'll walk soon. I'll never forget this experience in life, for now it might be a painful situation but tomorrow I want to remember this as my test of patience. I want to use this experience to remind myself that I have been through this so I can do anything. 

Inshallah, it'll be all done soon. 🧿💫🤲

Mum vs. Malaria - A one-sided match

 There's nothing mothers can't do. Even if their child is dying, a mother will stop God and the Universe and bring back her child to life. Their love is not only unconditional, but also healing. 

I recently got diagnosed with Malaria and my Mum just went into SuperMum mode. I was down with fever, chills, a massive headache and too much weakness but for my Mum it meant one thing - my daughter is sick, need to bring her back to health.

From staying up late nights to massage my headache away to feeding me dinners with her own hands so I can have the heavy medication later, my Mum left nothing to chance. 

I find it very fascinating and admirable how anytime anyone falls sick at home my Mum puts on some invisible cape and gets to work. Even if you wake her up in the middle of the night, she will get inside the kitchen and come back with her concoction of warmth and comfort. She has a cure for every ailment, you ask her cure for cancer she probably might pull that off too, but let's just say it'll involve haldi doodh somehow.

I really wonder if I'll ever be able to have Mum powers, you know get the doctor inside of me out when my kid is sick or be the teacher while doing homework or be the chef to a hungry child. Heck, I don't even know if I'll ever even be a mother. But a thousand thank yous will not be even enough to express how grateful I'm to my own Mum. She does everything for me without expecting anything in return and that makes me feel overwhelmingly loved. Each time I fall sick I take the time out to be grateful for the people who check on me, Dad included because let's accept he's a moral support while Mum does all the real work. But his presence is comforting and enough for me.

Thank you Mum for bringing me out yet another bout of sick days and now we can go back to you sulking everytime I come back home late at night :p

Age is just a number

 I have now come to believe there's no right age to meet someone, there's no cut-off that defines when we can stop making connections. You could be counting your last breath and just the patient next door could turn out to be someone you wish you had life left to know more. Or you could be a tiny baby holding the finger of some adult-size human and instantly feel you're safe. Connections are a push from the Universe that lead you towards the right path.

I think it's a well-known fact among my friends and followers that I'm a huge fan of the Before Trilogy, I consider the three movies as my guide to all things love. The first part is about building an instant connection and I try to look for that chance in every person that crosses paths with me. And something like that did happen on the 23rd February, 2021 when just out of the blue this guy walked into the bar and walked into my life.

You see this is not a love story. It's about 2 contrasting people meeting, instantly connecting and then working towards building an unique bond that, at least I pray (read: manifest), lasts for years and years. He is a charming, good-looking, big-hearted, empathetic, flirtatious, filmy and a funny boy. And no matter the age difference, the best part is that he actually really gets me! I think I'm more than grateful for his company and I'm not saying just because I'm writing this piece, he does what I believe most guys have forgotten to do; he really LISTENS. He doesn't belittle my thoughts, he encourages me to love myself, he makes me feel appreciated and the love he gives me just feels straight from the heart, genuine and pure.

Considering he's a Gen-Z I think I should put it in his words - Issa Vibe! (Lol, I cringed hard while writing this!)

This pandemic has been a depressing phase for all of us and I'm trying to live life one day at a time. In the midst of this finding a friendship or a bond or a connection like this one I really consider myself lucky. I know the Universe has taken care of me each time I hit rock bottom and this time bringing him in my life the Universe has really earned some brownie points! Good job 🥂👏

Ending this with another favourite quote from the Trilogy because if this isn't what life is all about, then what is?

The Mythical Closure

 "What was closure if not a clock? Not an end as everyone imagined, but a beginning."

We all want it and most times we don't get offered any. What do you do when someone suddenly leaves you without any explanation and your heart feels like someone opened it and then slammed it down? Closure is the best lie we tell ourselves. At least I do that because I can be delusional enough to convince myself that it's the Universe's way of pulling me away from a path not meant for me.

But is it even possible to give anyone closure? I really feel we never get any because it's very easy to spiral down memory lane and re-live the hurt you once went through and then no amount of closure can help lessen that pain. We are humans with a mind and a heart and emotions, we are bound to feel things. Closure is a good veil to cover up but not a guarantee.

I've closed doors on friendships and relationships many times in life and I have seldom gotten any or given any closure. And I think that's what has made me a little heartless but it works, right. I still cry over lost connections but I move on letting my heart turn into stone slowly each time. My main policy in life is that however bad the situation, one year down the line it's never going to matter. And if you stop giving importance to people and things they cease to matter. Simply said, difficult to do but it is what it is.

I know all this sounds unhealthy and a cry for therapy, but I rather accept the person I've become than live a lie with toxic positivity. Lot of people have hurt me in life and I've hurt a lot of people, it's a never-ending cycle. Nothing remains important, so let it be.