Change is coming

This post contains rant. Please read at your own risk!

They say change is the only constant thing in life. Times change, people change, Govt. change (except ours is still flaunting saffron) but do we individually change as a person? Do we all go through a metamorphosis and come out of it as a renewed person? I like to believe that at every stage in my life I have made some serious changes to my personality. I'm not the same Prerna I was 5 years ago. I wasn't the same Prerna even back then. Every turn of life you grow up, you fail and you learn from it and you move on. But bringing a change doesn't mean changing your personality inside out. There will always be some qualities about you that just define you, it's a part of your natural process. Like if you're an extra caring person you'll always react as such in any given situation. It's a natural reflex.

As I inch closer to turning 30 I have some serious changes that I want to take care of. When I look back I see myself as a controlling person who doesn't trust enough to let things happen, who's an over-thinker and jumps to conclusions.  I know for a fact that this isn't a part of my core personality but something I have developed over the years as a defence mechanism. It's not an excuse, I have decided to call a spade a spade so I know where my shortcomings lie. Before I turn the big number, I want to shed this part of me completely. The new me (yet again!) doesn't want to be associated with any negative connotation to her personality. If that means giving it up all and starting from the scratch so be it. The best thing I have learned in life is to be self-reliant. And that's what makes me even think of taking this plunge.

Second bad habit that I have cultivated is of keeping expectations. Now we all know that you're suppose to 'expect nothing and appreciate everything.' But easier said than done, right? It's only human to expect once, twice but if you keep doing it then it's just foolish. And I take this blame on me completely.

I have no flowery wisdom to share that life teaches you this and that, but I know that a change is inevitable. I have made changes to my physical appearance but it's time now to get a mental makeover and come out of the cocoon. Whether I develop wings and fly or I get knocked down that time will tell, but a dear friend told me that I need to do what I need to do, so let the countdown to 30 be a time of new beginnings!

Women's Day! Happy or not

Please note: This is no feminist post.

That said, you read all these stories of #MeToo and you know that there are some bad people out there who are taking women for granted and it boils my blood.  But as I said, this is not a feminist post. I'll not preach about something I have no full knowledge about. I sometimes come across the shittiest of guys on these dating apps and I've been lucky enough to have tackled it carefully, but nothing discredits the truths of the women who go through a hell time and have to speak out publicly to prove their credibility. Kudos to them for gathering that courage, I'm in awe.

There are some women in my life I really admire and the most important is my Mum who fought against all odds to become the voice of reason in my family and her sacrifices made us into one big whole unit. Nothing I can do will ever be enough to thank her. Her sheer dedication to the family strives me into becoming a woman of my own and has helped form values I wouldn't have learned anywhere else. She's a staunch woman who made some radical choices in her life proving that nothing lies beyond a woman's power and in time I learned from her that what being strong means, even though it took me years to apply that to my own life.

For most of my life I've been the girl who lived in shadows. I could never find my voice to speak up openly, kept my opinions to myself feeling afraid it might strike a wrong chord somewhere. It took me years, and really, years to come up with a blog now that blogs are not even a "thing" anymore. But I have failed, gotten up and learned again in life to be the woman I'm today and I will, for once, throw modesty out of the window and say I'm proud of myself for the person I've become. In childhood a random child specialist told me I'm an underconfident person and that feedback I held so close to me that I never opened up completely. And each time I did, I embarrassed myself and you know how those are scarring AF. But now after many years, I thank my lucky stars to have made some friends in life who taught me that it's okay to let go, open up and soar high. They made me into a woman I would only imagine all through my childhood and teenage years. So I pay my gratefulness where it's due - THANKS GUYS!

Like a lot of people know, I've been through a transformation and that is a big highlight of my life. Not only physically, but even mentally it made me into a different person and I have first-hand experienced everyone's opinion change about me. Guys give me more attention, a lot of people now take me more seriously, as twisted as it may sound, but as a woman has that changed me? Not really. I still hold the same opinions I did before. I still don't give a sh*t if someone objectifies me because experience has taught me that some people are just trashy, they will never accept you for who you are. And does it disappoint me looking at people's shallow minds? Hell, it does! I only wish they would grow up and see women as equal if not above.

My parents are dejected with my choice of not getting married and it's taking them some time to get around to but it's a WIP. I don't choose to tie myself to a relationship I don't believe in and conform to the norms of society and be blissfully (not!) committed to a stranger. I have found my own path of being self-reliant and I think I'm great at it. I'm no expert in how to be an independent woman but I have done my bit to make sure, come what may, I love myself and work on myself to make sure I'm enough. 

In the great words of one of my favourites Beyonce, "who run the world?" The answer couldn't be more obvious and perfect than - GIRLS!

The life of a Singleton

It's been 4 years I have been the S word and life has never been this amazing. I'm serious, I'm not saying this because it's cool to say so but I have genuinely never lived UP my life as much as I did in these past years. I spent time with myself, on the things I wanted to do and I came out feeling stronger than ever. These past years have been a witness to the rising of a new Prerna and needless to say there are many people who helped me in this journey and I'm more than grateful for their sheer support.

I was in a relationship for 7 long years. It's like we grew up together, from silly college times to struggling first job days. But as they say, if it's meant to be it will be. And I don't say this with any resentment, but people who knew us personally knew this wouldn't and shouldn't have lasted. And I'm more than happy for the person I have become today, for the person he has turned out to be and for a whole lot of grief that we spared ourselves from. Phew!

Now coming to the topic of being single, was it easy breezy initially? Not really, it took me one solo trip to Goa to make me fall in love with myself again and from there on my story changed. I am proud of myself to finally have taken that one big step of doing a solo trip and in a very cliche Imtiaz Ali-esque movie plot, discovered myself walking down the winding paths of Goa. Today the Prerna I'm is a complete u-turn to what I used to be. But this doesn't mean that I gave up on the notion of love, the feeling you get when you start talking to someone new is priceless and I'm a hardcore YRF-ish kinda sucker for it. So even though I stepped out of a relationship I stepped into the world of online dating and it has been a whirlwind of a ride! But that part of my life demands another blog which hopefully in future I shall update.

                            Baga Beach, Goa

Life as a singleton is the most comfortable space I have been in. I believe there's nothing that I can't do alone. Now surely I have a lovely group of friends who are just like family, but when it comes to being single I can do solo trips, I can eat and drink alone at restaurants, I can go for movies alone and not feel any nervousness about it. Being a single person in any kind of environment boosts my confidence and that's a big lesson I have learned over the years. Sure, many judge me for the things I do alone but I have always believed that there's no need to wait for anyone to come and be that travel buddy or a food/drink companion. I LOVE my own company! My happiness is my responsibility and I make sure I keep myself happy. I read somewhere that if you don't treat yourself nicely you can't expect the world to treat you better and this is something I aspire to follow all my life.

I have nothing against relationships, in fact, my feelings about the topic of relationships have been at times conflicted. There are days I feel it might be a great idea to have someone who you can just call, talk silly to, fight for no reason and just vent your heart out. Then there are days when I meet someone new and I'm safeguarding my single status like my life depends on it! I keep saying I'm too self-reliant to accommodate anyone new in my life. But as A R Rahman once sang, "Dil hai toh dard hoga, dard hai toh dil bhi hoga" But until that dard comes knocking down, let's just party like Beyonce's all single ladies! #PutYourHandsUp

My Insta, my alter ego

I'm often asked by some acquaintances, long-forgotten friends and even random strangers, who just slide into my DMs like they own it, that why do I post semi-nude pictures on my Insta page? And for all I have but one answer - MY BODY IS MY BODY, NONE  OF YOUR BODY!

I totally get it why it surprises people when I post a picture as such, because if you meet me in real life you wouldn't think I'm that kinda person who is bold in her approach. I'm rather an introvert who will only open up to people with whom I feel comfortable. So my #famjam knows that when it comes to being comfortable in your own skin Prerna won't hesitate a bit, but for outsiders it's a shocker alert! So to everyone who has ever wondered what makes me do it, in all honesty I would confess that I love my body so I flaunt it. I actually feel more comfortable dressed down than I'm when I'm dressed up.  It makes me feel beautiful inside out and is very much a part of my sexuality. #NarciMuch maybe?!

Picture Credit: Navin Dhyani Photo

Some may think it's attention-seeking but in my opinion that's just one of the ways people like to cover up for their inability to understand why I do it. It's human nature to automatically put the blame on situations rather than delve deeper into the meaning behind it. And guess what, it makes no difference to me absolutely what someone thinks and that's one of the reasons why I pose with my naked skin. If I start caring about everyone's opinion, life will be such a waste.

But it wasn't that randomly one day I decided to bare it all and do a complete makeover. It started building up little by little and voila! A new Prerna was born! The first time ever I faced the camera with the intention of doing a photoshoot, I was a nervous wreck ready to break down anytime. And whoever knows me personally know that nervousness in many ways defines me.

Picture Credit: Navin Dhyani Photo

But thanks to my ace photographer friend Navin who instilled such stellar confidence in me I did what I had only dreamed about since childhood. I posed, I smiled, I went outside my comfort zone and decided to never return to it. Navin has a talent to bring out that inner you which rarely anyone else can spot. He showed confidence in me and I could never repay what he LIT within me from there on.  Anup acccompanied us too in this shoot and not only did he help manage last minute requirements, but his presence solidified my belief that everything was going right. And to think I was hesitant to attempt this in front of him, I feel silly and grateful today that he came along and became a part of this memory.

But mind you, my Insta avatar has nothing to do with the trendy hashtags of #bodypositivity #plusandproud #plussizemodels... you get the gist. I'm no influencer, I admire the girls who do it as a responsibility to educate the young minds to love and flaunt themselves, but I never aligned myself to that thought process. For me, my pictures are just a way to explore myself more, to see what all personalities are hidden inside me and in the course learn more about myself. It's truly been a rewarding experience so far and with each picture I fall more and more in love with myself. Now isn't that the aim of #SelfLove?

Want to see more of my epic transformation? Do follow me on @sherdiputtar and don't forget to like, share and leave feedback! :) <3

The Keto Life

My journey started on 23rd October, 2017 but really it was a month before when my friends and I toyed with the idea of going on a diet as a group. Our friend, Papa J had just recently explored the concept of Keto diet and together we contemplated if we should all go on it and see the results. I personally was never a diet person, too shy to even check my weight in the presence of others. But Diwali day we all checked our weights, placed it as a challenge to lose all the extra kilos and thus began the journey of transformation.

I would be lying if I said I didn't breakdown and cried myself to sleep in the course of this diet. The first 10 days were the most difficult for me as out of my HANGRY state I would scream at my mother for not loving me enough and not feeding me things I'm allowed to eat. Poor Mum, didn't even know the K of Keto never had to cook diet food in a Punjabi household, was now trying her hands at alien recipes of cauliflower rice and what not. It was her support at home in the initial days that despite all my melodrama she pushed me to keep going. And when not at home, special mention goes to Papa J (Jay Patel) without whom the diet idea would never come to realisation. It was his sheer belief in me that made me keep going come what may.

You would think that a bunch of young guns who are always spotted traveling or partying, basically living their life to the fullest, how serious can they be about a diet? Well, you gotta be with us to know us! We partied, we travelled, we did all sorts of things together but nothing ever stopped us from following our diet to the T. Together, we aligned our cheat days, planned trips keeping in my mind everyone's dietary requirements, like even though Anup was the only person who wasn't on diet but would join us to Keto-friendly places to eat without batting an eyelid and Papa J would even carry diet food on trips so no one goes hungry. Cue: aww alert! While these two helped keep up the morale, Navin's motivation skills came in handy when he would set out targets fashionwise and help reach a goal in his own way. There was nothing that wasn't going to fit me until Navin was around! This phase taught me that no matter what you do in life, when you have a solid support system like my friends there's NOTHING that can not be achieved. When you have unconditional support and love pushing you to achieve your goal, then sky's the limit. I would forever be grateful to have a set of friends who not only stand by me but are the voice of reason. They gave a new definition to my life and without them the journey wouldn't have been a blissful one.

It's a popular myth that once you go off Keto, all the lost weight comes back and you have to start from the scratch. Now I call it a myth only because I have been on and off this diet and not even once had to face the said conundrum. Yes, when you go off the diet you tend to gain a kg or two but that's totally natural and something that you can lose again. Keto by concept is a change in lifestyle, helps you build up good eating habits and makes you more energetic and vigorous. Combined with exercise time and I guarantee you would be at your optimal best! I started going on walk in the evening for 45minutes and would do squats and planks at home and all this really helped me feel less fatigued.

When I started on this journey, I was 97kgs, my medical reports were dwindling, sugar was on borderline and I had been suffering from PCOD from past 5 years. I decided it was time for me to make that leap of faith for my own good and go on this diet with positivity. And I have never made a better decision in life! Today, I weigh 75kgs, my sugar is normal and reports have no sign of PCOD. Believe me when I say, it may seem miraculous but I have achieved these results only because the efforts put in were informative and calculated. A lot of people message me asking for diet tips and how can they lose weight like I did, my only answer is please first read, understand what this diet does and then decide what's best for you. I'm not an advocate of any diet but I totally believe that if you love yourself and trust yourself enough you would do everything to make your life better. Self love is a FASHIONABLE topic now, more so like ignorance is the new self love where you are just in denial and don't actually do anything to improve or enhance your life. I went on a diet because I love myself and my health was deteriorating and I wanted to make myself healthy.  A lot is said on social media about the portrayal of self love but for me if you're doing it because everyone's doing it then it's a waste of time.

I'm going to start a new chapter in this journey soon and I cannot wait to share it! This is just a beginning, there's a long way to go and I look forward to ticking off my goals 😊♥️

Follow my posts on @sherdiputtar to know more about my journey!